I Shall Not Look For You
by CityTrain
Summary: Sten one night tells Elissa Cousland that the Qunari will come and conquer Ferelden, a secret that she kept to herself until the day the ships landed in Denerim twenty years later. One-shot.


_**A/N: Thank you Ebony Redgrave and MoonDragonLove for both of your help with being betas for me! You both are amazing. Dragon Age doesn't belong to me. **_

_9:30 Dragon_

It was the remnant of a distant memory, or perhaps it was fear that kept her wondering all those years, safe in the palace. He had spoken those words with a certainty and when she sat there looking up at him. Elissa Cousland had been wondering if he knew at the time those ships would touch down at the docks in the little costal town - and what felt like everywhere else - they first claimed twenty years after they celebrated victory in the destroyed royal city. During one of those many nights at camp, they both sat down in the dirt next to the fire while everyone else slept in tattered tents taking one of the watches.

The first watch was hers and the Sten's one night before they reached the Circle. She always dreaded those nights and she was sure everyone else did too; the Sten wasn't the best company. There were many nights where Elissa swore everyone groaned when they drew the watch with the Sten. Some nights, Elissa swore louder than she hoped she would be stuck with someone else and when the Maker smiled on her, it was with Alistair. But, when she did, she tried to make the best of it.

Elissa had asked - during the other times she drew the watch with him - questions that he danced around with small and brief answers. He challenged her as a warrior and her right to be a Grey Warden. He humiliated her by saying she wasn't a woman, that she must be something else because women weren't warriors. She fumed with such passion that she stood up and stamped her feet and yelled at him to fight her, to then call her less than a warrior and challenge a woman who was a Grey Warden. Her yelling had woken the camp in a frenzy, and she shamefully calmed them, not explaining why she was yelling. Alistair had privately asked her the next morning while they broke camp if his silence drove her mad too.

When the camp became silent the night before they reached the Circle of Magi, aside from the noises of sleep from her companions, Elissa had asked, "What does the Qun demand?"

"It demands we conquer and we convert those who do not follow our ways," his voice rumbled, with fiery fervor. He turned to look at her, small and covered in dirt, clutching a dagger to her side. "It says," the Sten continued, with some semblance of passion in his voice that increased as he spoke more, "that one day, we will come and take over. Those who survive with be converted to the Qun."

Elissa's eyes widened; she knew what the Sten was capable of and wondered if the other Qunari were as fierce as he was. At a whisper she asked, "What happens to those who don't want to?"

"They die," his words were blunt.

Looking down, towards the bottom of the fire, Elissa mumbled, "Oh."

"And, when that day comes, I shall not look for you on the battlefield."

Feeling some small feeling of hope, which she thought was odd, she replied, forcing strength into her voice, "And I the same to you."

She would swear later that she heard the Sten chuckle before saying, "Of course, _kadan_."

Elissa was happy to be quiet that night and enjoy the fresh smell of the air from the lake ahead of them.

IOI

Alistair approached her that morning, cheerfully as always, "How did your watch with the Sten go?" His grin was prodding as he wiggled an eyebrow.

She turned towards him and said grimly, "Enlightening."

Looking confused, "And?"

Elissa laughed, wrapping her arms around him, "That's all there was to it."

He never asked any more than that and later he would regret it.

IOI

_9:50 Dragon_

That morning, sitting before the council beside Alistair, one of the Arl's stood declaring that off in the distance of the ocean, one of his men had reported that he saw ships in the distance, their allegiance unknown. He handed over the piece of parchment with a sketch of the ship; it resembled the ships that had landed in Kirkwall all those years ago. Their sails wore the decal of the Qun, although Elissa was tempted to point out the mistakes.

Alistair spoke softly, "I recognize those. I saw them in Kirkwall."

"They're Qunari make, aren't they?" Elissa asked, remembering the Sten's words all those years ago and full well knowing what they meant.

He nodded, "I believe so. The Champion of Kirkwall, you know, Hawke, even confirmed it for me. He fought them off. Perhaps we could find him."

"We both know he disappeared and that the Chantry is still looking for whatever scrap they can find," Elissa disagreed. "We don't have enough time to even attempt to locate him if we can see them from the Harbor. I may send a missive to Leliana to see if she knows anything."

She ran a hand through her _graying_ hair. If Elissa remembered correctly, the Qunari left a lot of chaos in their wake about fifteen years ago when Garret Hawke killed their _Arishok_ in Kirkwall. She knew from the few letters and rumors that his aid and council was to be of no help but perhaps one of his companions...

Elissa fought the urge to slam her head on the heavy wooden table as one of the men of the council asked, "What are they coming for?"

The queen could only choke out, fighting both the urge to scream and sob, "To conquer."

"We'll beat their asses out like we did with those filthy-"

"No. They're different," she stated, "They wish to have all of Thedas and what lies beyond to follow the Qun." Her words were calm for she knew she now spoke the truth. Standing up from her chair, she shook her head, "And those who don't will die."

Disbelief covered the faces of everyone in the council chambers. Alistair noticed her hands were gripping the silks of her gown to the point of tearing them and an angry roar erupted from one of the men, "And how do you know this? Are you one of them?"

Alistair thinking back to when she may have had the chance to speak with one of them soon realized that the Sten must have spoken to her about this; he knew that her questions that she relentlessly asked must have given her an answer; an answer of death.

"Because I was foolish once. I asked a Qunari what the Qun demanded and that was the answer he gave me," raising her voice, "and I don't want that for Ferelden; so we fight."

IOI

The spring came and went and the battle on the docks stood at an eerie standstill. Navy and Qunari ships were both sunk, but it seemed that the Qunari ships were never ending. How many of them had left to fill the demand of the Qun?

On the night of the summer solstice, the Qunari ships made their first victory on the royal city; the docks were theirs. Fifty leagues south, no one noticed that they also took over a small village and began their quest to conquer the land itself.

The village's name, lost to the chaos, housed the warriors that then marched for the royal city itself.

Elissa had watched from one of the balconies of the castle as the Qunari filled the harbor and watched in horror asthey took over and began to build a small compound after they defeated the small army she sent to wipe them out. She told Alistair to not waste anymore men; they would watch and wait.

IOI

_9:50-51 Dragon_

The _Siren's Call II_ sat in the docks of Denerim and it had for several months now. No ships were allowed to enter or leave by the royal decree of the Queen Elissa herself. Isabela had been forced to sell what little goods she had stashed away in the hull of her ship and almost had to sell the expensive gifts that Hawke had given her. That would've been heartbreaking. She had simply decided that her light-fingered ways would easily pay for her room in the Pearl.

Isabela and her new crew of men had been about to set sail and leave last spring right before the Qunari arrived, but a small repair had kept her from leaving. She had been confined to Denerim for far too long and the itch to run away from the Qunari had kept her awake for many nights. The Relic also had been locked away in her room in the Pearl.

When those red sailed ships filled the docks she grumbled under her breath, "Those bastards. This shithole will look just like Kirkwall in a few years. Hope those royal Grey Wardens' will do something about this blighted mess." She had taken her meal and ale to her room that night and cried over the man she had run away from after he had helped her selflessly. _Isabela, that man had loved you more than his own mother._

During the months she had been confined to Denerim, Isabela had come across an old friend. Late one night, she had been pouring over a map of the known world and a familiar accent had tickled her browned ears, "Fate just can't take you away from me, _mi reina de los piratas."_

"Zev," she cooed. He had kept her bed warm that night and she had convinced him to stay with her for the months that had followed. They had welcomed the new year with champagne and whores several weeks later.

Zevran and Isabela had both agreed on not leaving and setting out on the streets without each other. Isabela had talked up the horrors of the Qunari with much fear and lies. It had been a nightmare of hers and now a strong belief that they had come to Denerim for her and for the Relic.

The part of Denerim near the docks was swarming with them and their red painted chests (_**typo corrected)**_ and rumors filled the Pearl with news of people being converted and people being ruthlessly murdered when they denied the Qun. There had been jokes that the Queen should put out a bounty for the horns of those bastards, claimed one man with a cloak hiding his face. Isabela could've sworn that voice belonged to an old resident of Darktown. She shook her head sadly and didn't investigate for fear that man probably would've killed her for the pain she caused Hawke.

IOI

The Market hadn't changed in all those years Isabela had been gone. The stalls had of course been replaced when the city burnt during the Blight and a few buildings had been rebuilt. Besides that, it felt the same as it had been all those years ago.

Fluffing her cloak to remove the snow that had settled on it, she pulled the hood up. Zevran at her side gave her an impish smile as he pointed over to some elves that were harassing some others. "What do you think, Isabela? Those elves look like they aren't typical servants, no?" His voice was a purr, dripping with his accent.

"Actually, they remind me of that bitch, Tallis," she shrugged, "but this'll probably be good to watch."

From what Isabela could see, it must've been something those elves wanted out of the small group they were hassling and when it was obvious they weren't going to receive it, she cringed as one of the heads rolled across the ground. "For the Qun!" one called loudly and ran off, the others tailing his heels. The following morning, the rest of the Qunari attacked.

IOI

"No Alistair, I am going out there and I will put a stop to these bastards! They're burning down the city and killing innocents!" Elissa screamed as she stuffed a helmet over her head. "I will not stand for this... I promised Sten all those years ago that I would fight when the time came."

Alistair looked at his queen, "Then allow me to go with you. Elissa, please. I could not bear to see something happen to you. Please, Elissa."

She stopped in her haste, standing half naked in the armory, "No. I need you to stay here. Just in case… something happens." Pulling on the remains of her amour, she offered with a chuckle, "I killed that damn archdemon, I have nothing to be afraid of. What's the worse they could do? I don't think the Qunari can breathe fire, Alistair."

Alistair groaned, "I cannot allow this either way. Even though that would be- Hey! Elissa come back!" She was already out the door and heading to the stables.

For the first time since his Templar training, Alistair prayed to the Maker and kept a vigil, hoping for her safe return. He laughed to himself as he pushed open the doors to the Chantry inside the palace. That night he burned every candle in the castle while he prayed for Elissa. Years later he never understood why he didn't go after her. Perhaps the Sten had instilled some deep fear in the back of his mind.

IOI

Elissa wasn't sure if they had lost yet or not. Almost all of the men she had had died, but so had most of the Qunari. Her horse lay dead and abandoned some miles off in one of the many city streets.

Limping - one of them had put a nasty gash on her calf - she struggled through what looked like the Market district, not too far from those shops she had visited as a young woman. Her dark locks were now graying and her face had begun to wrinkle slightly which reminded her she wasn't the Hero she had been, standing there on the roof of Fort Drakon.

In pain, she slid down the side of one of the stalls, grabbing at her leg. She hissed as she prodded the wound, which wasn't looking so good anymore. _Maker, I miss Wynne only at the times where I really need her. At least she didn't have to live through this. Maker rest her soul._

Elissa had no idea how long she had lain there. The pain came in ragged waves; the blood had congealed and the wound smelled like it would fester; it was probably poisoned. It vaguely reminded her of the Dalish hunters' injuries when they had been wounded by the werewolves.

Nearly blinded by the pain, Elissa could make out a silhouette standing in the alleyway. A man, dressed in a torn cloak shuffled by her, his posture oddly familiar as he bent to rummage through some rubble. She thought she heard a giggle of glee from him as he lifted a chunk of matted fur to his chest. "In all the places I could run into you. Maker, Anders, where did you go?" she moaned with pain, but still managed to sound commanding.

Anders, an orange tabby cat clutched to his chest, jumped, "W-warden Commander Elissa Cousland!" He then groaned, "I left… for the Free Marches."

"I know. Along with rumors of you running with Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall," she spoke bluntly. "You want to do something about this? I know you're not Tranquil."

"I should be for what I have done."

"Always a martyr," she said, trying to push herself into a less slumped sitting position.

"What ever happened to Ser Pounce-A-Lot?" Anders avoided her comment and made his way over towards Elissa. He set the cat down and it scampered off.

After examining the wound he began to cast a healing spell. The spell felt like an old friend, its warmth and comfort made her realize how much she missed the mage she fought alongside in the north.

"He passed a few years ago. That old tom kept the mice out of my castle until the day he died. He even tried keeping Alistair out of my bed some nights," she chuckled, but her merriment vanished when she saw the dark look on his face.

"I'm not going to kill you for leaving Anders. You, as well as I, know the punishment for abandoning the Wardens, but I refuse to enforce it right now. Well, never with you." There was a twinkle in her eye which made him think of those stolen nights they had together, even though she was a betrothed woman, "I just want some answers. Why? Maker curse you man, why?"

"It doesn't matter now, Elissa," he mumbled and with that, he stood straight, and walked away. He could feel Justice roaring to life throughout his body, remembering the other Warden. "Let's just say the Chantry wouldn't approve of it!"

"So that's what happened..."

She let him go, once again. Pushing herself up from the rubble, she tested her leg and set out through the ruins again.

IOI

The _Siren's Call II_ was making haste as it left Denerim's port. Men scurried in the dusk light falling around the deck doing everything they could to go faster and to appease their screaming captain. The sails were raised as high as they could go as they rippled elegantly in the wind. A lone seagull screamed above them.

"Maker damn all of us if those Qunari chase us this time," Isabela swore, turning the wheel at the head of the _Siren_. Sweat began to bead at her temples as she thought of the Relic tossed upon her bed in the captain's cabin. She stared ahead of her; the end of the channel was just in sight.

It had been a mad dash with all of her belongings not even three hours ago from the Pearl. Once she and Zevran noticed that there weren't any Qunari around, they fled. The thieving pair had gathered the scattered crew, and picked up new members to replace the ones they had lost and sent them to the _Siren's Call II's_ decks immediately.

When she was dashing towards the harbor, she turned a corner on the street only to spot a tall man with a mess of black hair with a woman shorter than him holding a staff. She only had time to hear "Isabela" and "what are-" before she had turned on her heel and disappeared again, the Relic clutched to her chest. Garret Hawke's gruff voice had set her heart into a frenzy.

Feeling the excitement of once again being out on the open ocean, Isabela could almost let herself relax again, but they were not there just yet. Glancing behind her, she almost had a clear view of the docks. From what she could see, none of the other ships had even moved. _If there is a Maker, He has smiled upon me! Oh, Isabela, get a hold of yourself. There isn't some fancy man up there causing miracles._

The tense moment that was her ship squeezing out of the small waterway nearly made Isabela weep and she did that following night under the stars, leaning against the rail. Hearing Hawke's voice again on the street was enough to make her question her choices once again.

IOI

_The docks are destroyed_, Elissa noted as she watched one ship flee the port. Anders's healing spell for the pain was wearing off as the sun was going down. Sitting on the edge of the ruined dock she heard footsteps coming toward her. Her grip on her sword tightened.

"_Kadan_, I did not look for you. But, yet, in the end I find you where it began."

"The Sten," she stated, dropping the sword as he sat down next to her, "I did not look for you either."

"I am no longer Sten, but _Arishok_," he corrected. "Many years have passed, _kadan_."

"They have. I am no longer the girl who played at warrior, but queen-"

"We have both become someone else," the Arishok interrupted.

"You have destroyed my city."

"No. I have bettered it."

"That's open for debate," she sighed. "We have to kill each other don't we?"

"The Qun demands it."

"I know," she stood, lifting the sword with her.

The Sten, now Arishok, stood and Elissa thought he was taller than the last time she stood next to him. _Asala_ was clutched in his white-knuckled fist. His white braids had been undone and his hair lay straight and free-flowing. The Arishok's face had been hardened with time.

"_Parshaara_, Warden. Let us end this now," he said as he swung _Asala_ at her.

Elissa parried it and slid backwards. She fought defensively as he hacked and slashed towards her; it was obvious that he was too strong for her. They were no longer equals of the blade.

It had seemed like days when she fell. The wounds from the battle so far were not life threatening, but Elissa began to notice pain from her calf. The wound that Anders had healed for her wasn't healed all the way, only enough to walk on. _Damn you, Anders!_ She realized that it would barely support her now and had caused her fall.

The ex-Sten loomed over her. Sorrow and regret covered his face and he placed his sword on her chest, right above her pounding heart. The only word Elissa could hear over her heart and loud breathing was "_Kadan_". Hot tears rolled off her face and she mumbled what she could remember of the chant. _Maker rest my soul. Forgive my sins and let the blessed-_

Her thoughts were interrupted as she opened her eyes to see the _Arishok_ fall with a knife protruding from his face. Elissa could only hear herself screaming. _Asala_ fell across her body without harm to her.

His body fell and a voice proclaimed, "The last one didn't die so easy."

Elissa didn't respond for she knew who said those words. The voice then sounded pained, "Maker curse it, I just missed her again. I can barely see her ship. Bethany, come on. We need to go see if anyone knows where she could've gone."

"But, brother, isn't that the Queen herself?"

"I don't know, Bethany. She does look like that Warden who came through Lothering."

"Brother. She's injured. Let me heal her," the woman called Bethany approached her. Elissa felt the warmth of a spell wash over her, finishing what Anders had started.

"Thank you," Elissa spoke softly.

"It is not a problem," Bethany smiled, "Let us leave, brother. Farewell, lady."

Grabbing _Asala_, Elissa stood, not feeling pain or any aches. "Goodbye, mage."

Elissa barely had time to register who saved her before it began to rain on her face. She was glad the rain didn't put out the fire as she cremated the Arishok with the flint she had in her pocket.

IOI

Alistair's search party found her standing there sometime later.

"Elissa? Are you-" He could see the tears running down her face. He then was simply content to put his arms around her, knowing she was safe, and just stand next to the funeral pyre, not asking any questions.


End file.
